Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Happiness Tips

We all know that happiness is a Constitutional right and that government is responsible for making sure we have enough of it. Like many conservatives, however, I believe in volunteerism and think it is my duty to spread some happiness to combat the liberal gloom. Thus, as a public service, your happy PalosVerdesBlog will regularly provide suggestions to improve your happiness. Here is the first installment.

I. HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK


1. Open a new file on your computer.
2. Name it “Hillary Rodham Clinton”
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, “Do you really want to get rid of Hillary Rodham Clinton?”
6. Firmly Click “Yes.”
7. Feel better??

Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi, then Harry Reid, and so on... Thanks to Pam, David and Sharon for sending me this tip. As a minor improvement, before step three throw all the liberal crap from your inbox into the “Hillary Rodham Clinton” folder, than send it to the trash. I regularly dump my New York Times (the free electronic highlights) that way.

II. MORE FUN WITH HILLARY

Simply click here for No Ways Tired:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4HZWOMGiIs

and here for Kentucky Fried Hillary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu9TQq0C3Ac

Turn up the volume and enjoy.

III. LAUGH AT THE CROW

By now everyone has heard about the latest environmental initiative. Noted humanitarian Cheryl Crow has called for limits on loo paper. Singer Crow has suggested “using only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”

Apparently Crow has other ideas as well. Crow thinks paper napkins “represent the height of wastefulness” so she has designed a clothing line with what she calls a “dining sleeve” that can be removed and washed before reuse. “Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development,” she explained, “they are, in my mind, worth investigating.” In her mind!

One of her groupies who is not so sure about the single square of loo paper is Rosie O who took a moment on “The View” to express her incredulity at the supposedly enviro-friendly suggestion. “HAVE YOU SEEN MY ASS?!” bellowed Rosie. NOT a pretty sight! Barbara Walters was good enough to warn viewers not to use their sleeves, another of Crow's helpful suggestions.

For even more fun with toilet paper, click here:
http://www.funofun.com/toiletpaper.htm

I think that’s enough happiness for one installment.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love it!!!!!!

millie

8:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe instead of paper in the loo, we could use the corn cobs from all the corn we’re going to be growing for bio-fuels.

This is too much happiness for me!

Dave

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG Bill!!!! Thanks so much for the laughs. I really needed that after watching the lies and venom filled news today.I am forwarding this to all my friends. Keep up the good work.

Rose

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bill,
This is, by far, your best piece of work. I am still laughing.

Keep them coming!

Kathryn

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks...you are too funny!

Linda

8:59 PM  
Blogger Craig DeLuz said...

You have made my week!

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really do feel better! Thanks dad!!
~ Carolynne

9:25 AM  
Blogger fetching jen said...

Bill,

Apparentlt Charles Barclay had a comment for Cheryl Crow as well, but less crass than Rosie... holding up one aquare of tp and telling Sheryl and the viewing audience, "I don't think one square will do it for me Sheryl."

Have you ever heard of anything so ludicrous? She lives in a bio-diesel bubble with all of the other Hollyweird bumbleheads!

4:12 PM  

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