Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Mexifornia that Roared

As a typical member state of the European Union, the Duchy of Grand Fenwick was going broke. Having failed to stimulate the economy with high taxes, a bloated bureaucracy and truly wondrous regulations, the Prime Minister of Grand Fenwick came up with a brilliant plan to avoid bankruptcy.

The Duchy’s military, including all 67 men, 3 old sailboats and several 22 cal rifles (sans bullets) would attack the United States. Having lost the “war” within 10 minutes of landing on US soil, the Duchy would sue for peace and enjoy the fruits of post-war US aid. It was a foolproof plan except for one detail: Grand Fenwick won the war!

Unbeknown to the US government, the latest attack on our homeland has come from South of the border. Following the Grand Fenwickian tradition, Vicente Fox ordered several million Mexicans to invade the United States. And he ordered the mighty Mexican army to aid the “immigrants” by providing tequila and comic books. He confiscated all the bullets so no foolish soldier would be tempted to fire on the retaliating American forces.

Then he waited,…but no US army appeared at the border. So Fox sent another few million invaders, and he waited. Some of these “illegals” were bad guys, some committed crimes, including murder, but they high-tailed it back to Mexico. Fox thought that this would surely draw the American military. But noooo, the US government did nothing.

A handful of American citizens, the Minutemen (and women) they called themselves, went to the border with cell phones and lawn chairs, effectively stopping the invasion in its tracks. The US government called them “vigilantes” and waited for them to go home. Our plan: Sue Mexico for peace. It’s tit for tat. Take that Vicente.

The “Mouse that Roared” is America!

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bravo Billy! An excellent 'story'! And I say let us raise our guns and fire a salute to the minuteman! Those folks have a tedious 'watch'. I applaud them for doing a job that should be done by a border patrol 4 times what it is now! PJ Cleveland

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh - that's wonderful! Not many have your gift for satire. :-)

2:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops, forgot to leave my name...

-Stephanie
http://thedailyvegetable.com

2:27 PM  
Anonymous christina said...

I really admire the minutemen/women ~ they are doing something not just for themselves, but for their nation.

Mexico should pay the US a certain amount for each illegal immigrant... too bad that if it were in practice, they'd be unable to pay.

6:12 PM  
Blogger Bill Lama said...

PJ...I can't understand why the Bush Admin. has not deployed the 2000 extra border patrollers that Congress authorized.

Stephanie....TYVM. I love "The Mouse that Roared" movie. Peter Sellers played almost all the parts.

Christina, I agree that Mexico owes us. Perhaps we should do an oil deal. The US oil companies would run their industry, improve it's output and we get 10% of the crude.

I have not seen your physics buddy. Tell her I will answer a tough physics question for every comment she makes on the blog.

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